Old paradigm

In attempt to get me in tune with myself. I’m finding old paradigms I sort of developed thru childhood.
“If I am good, then i will be liked and loved, get the desire I want and have a life without problems.” Haha and here goes the thing I tried not to show these desires openly I which thought and this just produced the opposite of what I wanted it just made me feel powerless and weak.
Though trying to live as smooth and non-resistant even if it wasn’t for my sake. I remained a way of not needing and wanting anything Eventhough I desired I didn’t show.
I forgot that one major factor in this is “smooth-problem-free-life” is that life is not smooth or problem-free at all. our pure existence and all around us is by natures chaotic. Is is filled with the unpredictable and beyond my control, which I thought with making less I could escape. But the truth is I really can’t therefore and that just smacked my head today I need and will to surrender myself, it’s not meant to give up or not trying anything.

It’s accepting life the moment and the breath and the problems Which come and which already are I welcome them and am grateful for them to appear in front of me. I’m going to be more keen on learning, growing and being creative about current moments no gooddamn controlling.

Thanks to those who made me realise myself more and more.

My mind is wavery. My breath calm. Thanks for reading glad to hear comments.

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” Paulo Coelho